We are in the middle of strange times and this blog is in no means is to minimize what we are experiencing.
The United States just found out it has BIPOC. The world is finding out that if you lynch one of us on camera, we will all take to the streets.
The financial uncertainty. How are we going to feed our families? Will there even be a job to return to? The sadness of knowing we have walked out of some business for the last time.
What does this virus mean medically? The only constant with a virus is changing, right? Will there be any lasting effects, for those that survive the illness?
As a global community, what’s next? Many of us are or have loved ones on the front line. Our essential members of the workforce are in real danger. The pain is collective and is on a level that has never been felt before.
PRETTY. DAMN. HEAVY.
We have, however, all, at some point, been in an individual twilight zone. A point in our lives when didn’t think we would see our way out. Yet here we are.
So here’s is a little perspective….
My mother was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer at the age of 37, I was 9 yrs old. Given months to live, frenzy mode kicked in. She began teaching me what she thought she’d have a lifetime to cover. I was shown sewing, making a bed (like the bounce off a quarter style), balancing a checkbook…you name it, she covered it.
So many lessons. Sometimes I just wouldn’t get them. A part of me thought if I didn’t, she would stay. My mother would then cry knowing she couldn’t. We were in a race against time.
Fast forward, I now know the importance fo a moment. I may have lost my mother at the age of 11 but I carry every lesson with me. From that point on, I have remained a student. It’s almost never about how something makes me feel but more so what I am being taught. (Yes, I’m working through that part with my therapist.)
With everything going on, however, for the first time, I’ve struggled to find any logic and my feelings are in overdrive.
As many parents across the world are doing these days…I on occasion, hide. Today’s place was in the shower. In that much needed moment of silence. I was sure to find the lesson, right? Not today, I, the least artistic person I know, was drawing a blank.
It was time to dry off and switch gears, I have to shake this. “Move in gratitude time!” What can I be grateful for today, the past weeks and months, hell 2020?
I have been able to without interruption, or the need to be “busy” or an “active” family, spend time with the girls.
Ava is pretty damn amazing and at 16 still talks to me (through a closed door at times but still). We have movie nights. We are cooking together. Cooking is one of my greatest joys and a gift my father gave to me & his father him, it’s in our DNA. I can actually research and answer Ella’s questions without yelling “now get in the car”. We cover things from the number of moons for each planet and if I know anyone named “Cool Breeze” without interruption. She is learning at her own pace. Corey has been working on practical skills, from his “My girls won’t need a man” handbook, I’m sure. You see there will be a new normal after this, no doubt but, we are still here!
At this moment, the only moment that matters, we are together. Do we know what tomorrow will bring? No. Mommin’ ain’t easy, it won’t ever be. For today though, let’s try, if even for a little, to be present.
You see we have been gifted something my mother hadn’t…TIME.