Detox: The Life Edition – Step 3 “Set the Tone”

As a family, we haven’t seen our extended family or close friends since early March. This weekend, we finally got to spend time with our cousins. This, after a month or so of planning to make sure we get this right and visit safely. I can go a lifetime without being the cautionary tale forward on social media. It was, however, the B12 shot my soul needed.

This weekend reminded me of how important it is to “Set the Tone”.


Is there anything better than visiting that one house, the house. Be it your grandparents, parents, aunts or close friend’s house. The one that hasn’t changed since forever. The house in which every inch of it reflects who lives there and says to each guest “Welcome”. I know what that space feels like and does for me, it’s a safe place to land. I had to wonder. What if we not only left our mark in the spaces we occupy but also use the approach, in our lives? How does “The Interior Designer of Me” sound?

Just like moving furniture to ensure zen-like flow, this work is heavy. Setting the tone involves tapping into your energy with every interaction. Identifying what inspires you versus what drains you. Know your triggers as well as your joys. Understand what to avoid and what you need to dig into even if it’s not the most pleasant. This was such a challenge for me. Instead of advocating for myself, I would justify what someone else said with logic or mask how I felt with humor. When I started to really access certain situations and tapped into my post-interactions energy and emotions, it could only be equated to labor pains. I knew to get to the desired result it had to be done but that didn’t make it any less painful. So when I say I get it, I get it. Fix your face..it will be worth it.

Here’s an example. Do you spend an hour before work, dreading work, and trying to prep yourself for a day of head shakes and tongue biting? Do you then spend another two hours after work replaying every moment you wanted to go off but you remembered your fur baby is at home depending on your income? If so, it’s time to change the tone. Not everyone can win the lottery but you can absolutely enjoy what you do.

Many people are already loving what they do because it’s in alignment with their purpose. Not the “make $3k a day by doing surveys” peeps either but people just like you. Ask yourself honestly, what you want? If it’s that you feel your skills are being underutilized connect with someone to discuss advancement opportunities or find workshops that are geared toward something better suited for you.

The right mentor is priceless.

If you’re as socially awkward as I am, you may create a million and one scenarios but don’t let that stop you from connecting with the experts in your desired field. Also, don’t sleep on YouTube or The Master Class, there are people out there willing to give you true insight. If you are at a job simply because of the money, it will cost you much more in the end. The body will rebel and if you spend the money on medical bills is it really worth it? Sidebar, when you love what you do the money will follow. (I.E. my former company sending me to India for 3mths. At 25, I was trusted to be lead in a large initiative. I was able to give 110% because it never seemed like work even on the worse days. I was able to travel and connect with places and people I never dreamed I could.)

Guess at 25 I didn’t know how to wear sun glasses?

Setting the tone also applies to your personal relationships. Before and After each interaction even post or text, gauge how you feel. If after interacting with someone you feel exhausted, anxious, and generally not in a good space, time to revisit Step 1 – Setting Boundaries. If you connect with someone and leave feeling renewed, make more time for that relationship. This weekend was an instant pick up for me and I could tell it was the same for them.

Once you begin to understand how external interactions can affect your tone, you become a reflection of your best qualities. Like anything, practice makes perfect but after time “Setting the Tone” becomes automatic. Being aware of what triggers you, avoiding triggers, and consciously seeking and connecting with what fuels you is something like a superpower. You start to view so many things differently. From how you keep your space to what you eat. It really is leveling up.

Many years ago I was a smoker, not a pack a day but enough. During the time of my first “Detox: The Life Edition”, I quit, cold turkey. (What does that saying even mean? Is starting something quickly “hot turkey?”). Years later I met Corey. One of his top deal breakers was “smoking”. We laugh about it now, how even before we met our lives were preparing us for each other. That one choice changed the course of our lives.

There will be times that you may find yourself slipping back into old habits but if you read the signs you will be able to get back into your “tone zone” in no time. Once you “Clear Out the Clutter” (step 1), “Become a Labeler” (step 2), and “Set the Tone” (step 3) you will see all kinds of things change around you.

I remember Corey doing a surprise birthday party for me a few years back. There I was at home, my space filled with things that bring me joy and surround by my favorite people. Each person incredible, intelligent, and compassionate. It looked like some swanky award night with all the powerhouses in one place. I started to shrink in the space, old feelings of inadequacies crept in. Thankfully I was able to tap in and “Set the Tone”. I had to remember that these amazing people were there to celebrate me. Yes, ME! I quickly ‘bossed’ up and remembered my worth. It was a night I will never forget.

Being able to “Set the Tone” will give you a lifetime of unforgettable nights. Try it out, the only thing you have to lose is unnecessary stress. Keep me posted on the progress or feel free to share how you “Detox” your life.

2 thoughts on “Detox: The Life Edition – Step 3 “Set the Tone””

Leave a Reply to Kisha Mcdougle Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published.