As much as things are changing around us these days, some things remain the same. Spring cleaning and getting summer ready is still a thing. As comforting as the thought of old is, it’s time for a much-needed remix. Full disclaimer the Disney Plus release of “Hamilton” has me reenergized. If you have not done so already please check it out after reading this. It’s like an additional espresso shot for this cup of wake up.
Clearing the fog and taking full advantage of my newly found energy allowed me to accept that there were some people that I didn’t know as well as I thought. Much like those jeans we have in the closet with the hopes that someday we will fit in them again, it is time to let go of some relationships regardless of the time we spent building them. Don’t make it seem like I’m the only one with”hope” jeans in my closet either. Granted I might be the only person with Guess jeans from ’99, but you get the point.
Having thrown out the jeans doesn’t mean I shouldn’t address my COVID 15 either. It’s absolutely time for a detox. Bingo, it’s also time for a “Life Detox”. I thought of the saying, “How do you eat an elephant?” Not that I would ever but the answer is “One bite at a time.” The life detox is the elephant in the room, time to get my bite on.
Step one of the “Life Detox” is key to healing and growth, Time To Set Boundaries. Setting boundries has been overused and misused lately so let’s clarify. Being toxic or abusive to loved ones and when being held accountable, shutting down is not “setting a boundary.” That my dear that is just being irresponsible.
Now setting healthy boundries is reevaluating the relationships in your life. If you have someone that only calls when they need something but is not someone you can count on or confide in, time to create distance. It’s great to help and support but when helping them is negatively effecting you, it’s time to walk away. (Preferably 6ft with a mask on)
Easier said then done right? You may have found yourself more than once recounting a converstaion in the shower and coming up with a ton of great rebuttals. Until you gain some serious muscle memeory around those, try the one line that has been my go to.
“This/That doesn’t work for me.”
No need to add to that. No need to explain and you aren’t pointing fingers so things shouldn’t get weird. It works in almost every scenerio. Let’s try a few…
Them ~ “Can you babysit for me?”
Them ~ “Can I borrow your car/money/credit?” (Don’t act like this has never happened.)
You ~ “That doesn’t work for me.”
Notice I didn’t start with , “I’m sorry” becuase I’m not nor did I add a “but” or “because” again this statement requires no explaination.
You will notice that after time some people in your life won’t reach out as much. Fight the urge to reach out, just becuase something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy. (That’s also me talking to myself about Nutella addiction. Really could we find a low cal soup that taste like Nutella? ) The key to any detox is to get rid of toxins, “Life Detox” is no different. It may hurt initially but you will start to see results, ie better sleep, less stress and more time to cultivate the relationships that matter.
These are strange times and we will need our strengh, so let’s get this “Life Detox” going. Please keep me posted on your journey as we can support each other. Tune in next week for Step 2.
Consistently great articles; thanks for providing timely content. I too have “hope” jeans and an entanglement with Nutella lol. Boundaries are vital to self-care and shouldn’t be confused with being selfish. One can be kind and supportive without abandoning one’s personal comfort and nothing is wrong with that.
Lisa (Glittergrapevine)
Thank you so much for reading! Thank you for confirming I’m not alone with my “hope” jeans ?. So often I think we know the things that we need but put everyone else first. So I love carving out a time for is to connect each week ?